Life is full of beautiful surprises. It’s amazing how it unfolds every moment. This moment all that there was, as perceived by my mind was a lot of confusion. I was on an emotional roller coaster. I tried to dig deeper and amidst all the emotions was a very firm sense of I, me and myself struggling to look for some space. As soon as I gave attention to this space, it told me that there is something within me that needs attention. There is nothing that I can get from outside of me, there is nothing external that needs to be fixed. As soon as I pour my attention to this space, it began to evolve from a deep well of emotions. There was no clarity at this stage but one thing was very straight that ‘I’ needed attention and that is where all the energy was required.
I started talking to myself and wanted to better understand I, me and myself. In this moment, my mind was not convinced that external has no role to play in the emotions I was experiencing. At the same time my heart was very sure that I no longer wanted to showcase anymore negativity in the form of anger, resentment, shouting, screaming, crying, feeling sorry for myself. I no longer wanted to play the blame game and run away from myself. Something within was talking to me and telling me that I cannot fool myself any longer. I cannot escape from the reality that there are two sides of me. I am right and I am wrong. How can I accept and own all the rights and disown all the wrongs by blaming it onto the situation? How can I be only right and others be always wrong? I have to look at both parts of me and say to myself this is who I am. Unless I accept myself in this duality, I am incomplete. I cannot conveniently pick and choose the good part or the right part and then keep running away from the bad part or the wrong part of me because both these parts co-exist within me as two sides of a coin. I have to be in complete acceptance of who I am…
The feeling of this acceptance of my own duality was overwhelming. Silence was becoming my best friend slowly. I wanted to be alone to be able to talk to myself more and more. I was giving way to nature and it’s deep silence. Taking long strolls in nature was expanding this space within me. The thoughts kept jumping in my mind one after the another trying to take away the newly invaded space created by the silence. All this was in vain now as the silence of nature was attracting more silence within me .
Mother nature has it’s own music amidst all the silence. This music although unheard by my ears carved it’s way gently into my heart. In this very special moment, unaware of the fact how things were unfolding for me, my heart opened to a new but yet an old path, to the journey long back chosen but forgotten, to a dream but rather a reality that I have lived forever and ever in my duality…
Village 